We Don’t Have Any Cookies

Another old piece of mine

Hi, my name’s John and I live on a planet called Harcourt (which means fortified dwelling) with my annoying little sister Janet and my pet kwodo (basically a dog with wings). You see, its the year 2070 and Earth has basically been ruined by pollution, global warming and the like. Because of this, the IPUOH (Inter Planetary Union Of Humans) has been looking for a way to send us humans to different inhabitable planets. The first planet discovered in 2040 and by 2067, there were 500+ discovered inhabitable planets in the universe. Sadly, I was sent to the same one as my annoying sister.

My sister is a animal specialist, she has done some technological training and has discovered that animals have a certain hearing frequency that allows access to the brain. She found that if she could tune a CFT (Cellular Frequency Tuner – kind of like an advanced radio and phone), she could basically talk to animals. Of course, being my annoying little sister, she didn’t use this to get a Nobel or WitchCock prize (WitchCock invented hyper space travel), she used it to get my kwodo to annoy me.

Of course on planet Harcourt, we are not the only ones there, there is a small town of joones, which are basically ogres. They aren’t ugly but are really huge. Anyways, they help us with the hard things, like lifting our advanced cranes and house sets and other such things. There is drinking water but you have to de-electrify it unless you want it to mess with your nervous system.

The seasons are quite warm, there are 8 seasons, partially because the planet is sphere inside a sphere of gases. So for 8 months at the start of the year we have the first two seasons which are basically early and late spring. Then we have 16 months of semi-darkness which are basically the fall and winter seasons because the gases swirl up and cover up the entire planet. Then we have another two seasons of summer (we have 32 months in total). Our year is exactly 292 days but our days are 25% longer than Earth days so it took some getting used too. Our winter is extremely cold as it gets to nearly 100K. Luckily for us, kwodos exhale a gas that keeps heat at around 40 degrees celsius.

The terrain of Harcourt is really smooth. Most of the surface is covered by land although the majority of weight comes from water. This is because the surface here is not made of dirt but is made of a similar material that sticks together and can float while holding a lot of weight. We call this Lynex and it is very useful. Our planet is 65% water and 35% land. Occasionally, some patches of Lynex are taken up into the atmosphere during the fall and winter seasons because of their lightness. Then they come back scorching hot in the summer seasons. We call this phenomena heat lift because the hot Lynex can then be used air-conditioning as it blows the really hot air up and the cold air in.

Every 8 months we have to file a report for the IPUOH to see if we are okay and everything is alright. So far we have gotten no response and we have been living here for 7 years. This is a report we sent in a capsule to Earth. If you are still alive, call the IPUOH phone line. If you are some evil alien life form please don’t come; we don’t have cookies.

In response to Interplanet Janet by The Daily Post



3 Replies to “We Don’t Have Any Cookies”

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